fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My breasts were aching with rage.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
