When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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