last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
