i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
