I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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