it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
