Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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