Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
