So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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