So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
