I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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