there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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