I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
