Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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