I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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