my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Floor bacon is actually really good
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
