I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
50% drunk capacity currently
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
