I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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