Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
