I only kidnapped one of them. chill
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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