Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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