Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
