i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Someone signed my nipple.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
