Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
