i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
