You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize