Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
