So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
FUCK WHALES
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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