I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
