Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Me too!
I puked a lego.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
