Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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