I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
