is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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