I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
