she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
