gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
