He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
