Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
