half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
