so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
