Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
