He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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