i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
