Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
True strength comes from lack of pants
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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