You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
