Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
