I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
