the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
All the doctor said was why
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
