Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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