Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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