i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
