Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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